A w a r e n e s s
I'm in Stockholm at the moment, visiting my grandma för a family gathering.
I'm so tired my head spins... And getting up really early tomorrow.
I can tell you that my book list in previous post wasn't completely useless. Actually I recieved 2 of the books in it, and got another 2 that wasn't on it, but should have been.
My should-have-been new books on the list:
Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland (a classic, I know. My grandma recently translated it, for a more modern version.)
Lena Sundström - Känns det bra att få finnas en dag till? (She writes about modern life, how hypocritical we are, but she does it wuith humor.)
But the main thing today is how I feel so completely useless.
I've got two male friends that are currently going through some tough times, and I've tried my best to be there and support, without knowing how to best aid. My efforts aren't noted anyhow and it seems to me as if everyone would be better of if I just stayed away. Which I wouldn't mind doing, unless, you know, I didn't care.
But I care, I can't help it. I like you both, guys, but your depressions are tainting me.
Looking at you both, and the situations you're in, I start to look at my own life.
Not sure why I do this.
And what I feel then is a bit more than I can take.
I feel like I have lost so much, around me. Friends, family, material things that meant something.
I feel like those bimbos, those coldhearted women, that at the end of the movie realizes, all her hard work to get somewhere, has been in vain. All her efforts have been channeled in the wrong directon, and that no one regards ther. Nobdy loves her, except for perhaps those shallow fools that would make her utterly unhappy.
They are alone.
I know that this is not my part in the movie though. I am the heroine, that steps out from the dark cave with brass instruments playing in the background as I walk in to the sunlight.
Or maybe coldhearted women can be heroines too.
I don't know.
I just know that I'm extremely asocial right now and with a big mandatory party tomorrow I don't know what to do.
Goodnight.
I'm so tired my head spins... And getting up really early tomorrow.
I can tell you that my book list in previous post wasn't completely useless. Actually I recieved 2 of the books in it, and got another 2 that wasn't on it, but should have been.
My should-have-been new books on the list:
Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland (a classic, I know. My grandma recently translated it, for a more modern version.)
Lena Sundström - Känns det bra att få finnas en dag till? (She writes about modern life, how hypocritical we are, but she does it wuith humor.)
But the main thing today is how I feel so completely useless.
I've got two male friends that are currently going through some tough times, and I've tried my best to be there and support, without knowing how to best aid. My efforts aren't noted anyhow and it seems to me as if everyone would be better of if I just stayed away. Which I wouldn't mind doing, unless, you know, I didn't care.
But I care, I can't help it. I like you both, guys, but your depressions are tainting me.
Looking at you both, and the situations you're in, I start to look at my own life.
Not sure why I do this.
And what I feel then is a bit more than I can take.
I feel like I have lost so much, around me. Friends, family, material things that meant something.
I feel like those bimbos, those coldhearted women, that at the end of the movie realizes, all her hard work to get somewhere, has been in vain. All her efforts have been channeled in the wrong directon, and that no one regards ther. Nobdy loves her, except for perhaps those shallow fools that would make her utterly unhappy.
They are alone.
I know that this is not my part in the movie though. I am the heroine, that steps out from the dark cave with brass instruments playing in the background as I walk in to the sunlight.
Or maybe coldhearted women can be heroines too.
I don't know.
I just know that I'm extremely asocial right now and with a big mandatory party tomorrow I don't know what to do.
Goodnight.
Kommentarer
Postat av: BurningBimbosOnBikesDownHillsInPaint
Life drags on for all of us I guess. Some win, some lose but stick around and you might be suprised. Love and loss is a part of it. You made it this far in life and there's a lot more in store for you.
There's fire in that cold heart of yours. It might die down sometimes but when it ignites, you light the world.
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