L i f e
Hi again.
I have been thinking for some time that I should update here. But I rarely have the time. So when I return with to this page it's with a hint of guilt.
What's new? Me and Diederik broke up last night.
Why? Mainly the distance (yes, again). But school is demanding so much from me, and I really want to be good. I want to be more than good, I wanna be pretty damn awesome. And this takes oceans of time.
I dont have any time off from school except during summer (no breaks in spring/autumn), so I couldn't travel to Amsterdam until my only week around christmas and new year's. And I have barely enough time as it is for myself. I would have little to no time for my dear Dida if he was to come here (which was under discussion).
This put a lot of strain and pain on both of us, and me being under the stress from school it was a burden too heavy to carry.
How I feel?
Not so surprisingly, a bit hollow/empty. Slightly relieved as well.
What saddens me is that it feels like I still have parts of a life in Amsterdam. Another set of thoughts, another set of friends, habits, words... Another possible life, I guess. I kind of miss that life a little.
I am still considering visiting Amsterdam during christmas. I know exactly what I'd give him. Been thinking about it for months.
But I don't regret this. I needed this freedom. Besides, never say never when there's the internet, as someone said.
Digital scetch I did before we had any classes, before the project, when I was "free"..
Today's songs:
Simian Mobile Disco - I believe
London Elektricity - Just One Second (Apex Remix)
I know I've already had Echo and the Bunnymen - Killing Moon as a "Today's song", so I'll just paste the lyrics. I like the song so much.
Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine
Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him
In starlit nights I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips a magic world
Your sky all hung with jewels
The killing moon
Will come too soon
I have been thinking for some time that I should update here. But I rarely have the time. So when I return with to this page it's with a hint of guilt.
What's new? Me and Diederik broke up last night.
Why? Mainly the distance (yes, again). But school is demanding so much from me, and I really want to be good. I want to be more than good, I wanna be pretty damn awesome. And this takes oceans of time.
I dont have any time off from school except during summer (no breaks in spring/autumn), so I couldn't travel to Amsterdam until my only week around christmas and new year's. And I have barely enough time as it is for myself. I would have little to no time for my dear Dida if he was to come here (which was under discussion).
This put a lot of strain and pain on both of us, and me being under the stress from school it was a burden too heavy to carry.
How I feel?
Not so surprisingly, a bit hollow/empty. Slightly relieved as well.
What saddens me is that it feels like I still have parts of a life in Amsterdam. Another set of thoughts, another set of friends, habits, words... Another possible life, I guess. I kind of miss that life a little.
I am still considering visiting Amsterdam during christmas. I know exactly what I'd give him. Been thinking about it for months.
But I don't regret this. I needed this freedom. Besides, never say never when there's the internet, as someone said.
Digital scetch I did before we had any classes, before the project, when I was "free"..
Today's songs:
Simian Mobile Disco - I believe
London Elektricity - Just One Second (Apex Remix)
I know I've already had Echo and the Bunnymen - Killing Moon as a "Today's song", so I'll just paste the lyrics. I like the song so much.
Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine
Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him
In starlit nights I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips a magic world
Your sky all hung with jewels
The killing moon
Will come too soon
B u r d e n s
Long since I updated, and that is of course mainly due to my project and also Diederik's stay here.
The project is going smoothly (or at least as smoothly as possible with the group I'm in). Think we will do fine and maybe make it to the deadline, in 5 weeks.
But the project takes a lot of time and I've had little time for other things, and other people. A lot of friends have been put aside for the past week. Even Diederik, with whom I live with at the moment, has been suffering for this.
The project and having him here has been too much me to handle. But he leaves on monday, and before that I will try to make the most of the last days.
Tomorrow we're going to the main rehersal of a new show at the Malmö Opera. It's called Black Silk and involves Bach, Nightwish, water and a lot of Vietnamese dancers. Sounded really interesting, and I've been looking forward to it for a long time. Then by a coincidence my friend Cornelia texted and said she had free tickets!
But before we go, it's Paddy's bar with my school of course. Every friday.
I like the idea, and we are really becoming a team in the class, and as a school. I have friends in every class, and it feels sort of awesome.
Me and Darth Vader. Old picture, 2007 perhaps. I am by the way a redhead now!
Today's songs:
This morning started out really cloudy and dark, so these are a bit mellow tunes.
Radiohead - 15 step
The Knife - The Captain
The project is going smoothly (or at least as smoothly as possible with the group I'm in). Think we will do fine and maybe make it to the deadline, in 5 weeks.
But the project takes a lot of time and I've had little time for other things, and other people. A lot of friends have been put aside for the past week. Even Diederik, with whom I live with at the moment, has been suffering for this.
The project and having him here has been too much me to handle. But he leaves on monday, and before that I will try to make the most of the last days.
Tomorrow we're going to the main rehersal of a new show at the Malmö Opera. It's called Black Silk and involves Bach, Nightwish, water and a lot of Vietnamese dancers. Sounded really interesting, and I've been looking forward to it for a long time. Then by a coincidence my friend Cornelia texted and said she had free tickets!
But before we go, it's Paddy's bar with my school of course. Every friday.
I like the idea, and we are really becoming a team in the class, and as a school. I have friends in every class, and it feels sort of awesome.
Me and Darth Vader. Old picture, 2007 perhaps. I am by the way a redhead now!
Today's songs:
This morning started out really cloudy and dark, so these are a bit mellow tunes.
Radiohead - 15 step
The Knife - The Captain
