Teardrops on the fire (what really happened and why and how)
I did it.
I resigned.
I'm not coming back. I feel good about this. Feels like I did the right thing.
But it was not a smooth talk. The son was here as well cause his real dad was sick. Considering that, I didn't think they were gonna follow their weekly tradition, to eat alone in a restaurant every thursday. That means I babysit thursdays, but that's just Elin, and they put her to bed before they leave. Now there was Carl too, which I was told to bathe and put to bed.
And suddenly I realise that I'm not gonna get my talk. They're gonna head for the restaurant, be gone for 2-3 hours and then get back laughing and tipsy.
My knees turned week and my heart started racing from fury. "How can the dad put me through this? I've been waiting nervously for two days for this talk. And now I'm not going to get it?" I thought.
So I told the mom simply that I wanted to talk about that cursed tuesday. She said a bit careful: "Whell I wasn't here and I haven't heard much either so... I don't know alot about it." I replied: "That's why I think it's important we talk about it."
She said fine and went to see her husband. I overheard. She explained that I wanted to talk about it, and he answered her: "Well I wanna eat, so, sorry." in a tone that suggested that the conversation was over.
She pleaded a bit and said something along the lines of her being hungry too, but that this was (at least somewhat) important. He followed her into the dining room and they sat down. I hesitated but sat down too.
Nobody spoke, everyone expected someone else to begin. I could tell that the dad was grumpy and stubborn, and that this could get nasty. Probably to be diplomatic the mom started saying that she didn't have enough information and maybe both me and the dad should tell our experiences. The dad replied before I had a chance to: "I don't see a point in telling anything, I thought that we had already talked about this." and he gave me a bitter look.
I said: "You were the one who said that we needed to talk because you didn't trust me and... I'm gonna say this in swedish," I said and turned to the mom. "That tuesday everything was fine. Elin complained in the morning of having pains in her bottom, but I didn't pay much notice, I thought she was just faking (she does that alot).
I picked them up, the kindergarten teacher changed Elin just before we left, everthing was normal. We got home, and I cooked for the kids (cause the dad was coming later due to some meeting). When we finally sat down and ate the dad came home. He takes Elin to bathe her. Afterwards he comes down and asks me: 'Did you hear Elin scream just now? It's cause she has a terrible rash on her bottom caused by a very dirty nappy that she's been wearing far too long.' And I tried to tell him about the teacher changing very recently and that I had no reason to check her again. And the day after I spoke to the teacher, she said that Elin had had a sick stomach and been pooping alot during the day."
The mom interrupted and said that the teacher told her this as well when she picked them up yesterday (thursday). And I said that I felt far too insulted by the grave accusations (that they didn't trust me as a caretaker and that I would have ignored Elin's need and let her go with a dirty nappy for hours and therefor caused Elin's rash) and that this made me finally decide to resign.
The mom nodded and turned to her husband, I wasn't sure how much he understood of my swedish.
The dad said: "Well?"
"She's leaving us."
His reply was: "So?" And he shrugged his shoulders. He reminds me of someone.
The mom asked me if I should stay until the 16th like plannned, which I intended, but after seeing the indifference in that man I just wanted to leave. She asked me to sleep on it. But my own mom helped me choose.
She told me to inform the mom that unless things (read: the dad) change, I will leave as soon as possible.
And this morning I did. I didn't think it would work. I thought she would say that getting some remorse from him would be impossible. But she told me that the man had confessed to her that maybe he had jumped into conclusions. I won't settle with that, but she promised she'd talk to him again. So the deal is now that he behaves and I stay until the 16th.
Then I flee to Amsterdam, to collect my boyfriend before we take the train to Copenhagen, and there change train to my hometown.
But tonight is friday (TGIF, really!) and we're going ice skating tonight. I really do need this weekend. And tomorrow we (the au pairs, or, well, four or five of us) are going to Antwerpen! Feels really exciting, we're going christmas shopping and exploring etc. They say it's a much "cooler" town than Brussels. The opposite seems impossible.
But I arrive to Sweden alot poorer than I expected. The question now is really: "What do I do now?"
Please comment on things, I like your opinions.
I resigned.
I'm not coming back. I feel good about this. Feels like I did the right thing.
But it was not a smooth talk. The son was here as well cause his real dad was sick. Considering that, I didn't think they were gonna follow their weekly tradition, to eat alone in a restaurant every thursday. That means I babysit thursdays, but that's just Elin, and they put her to bed before they leave. Now there was Carl too, which I was told to bathe and put to bed.
And suddenly I realise that I'm not gonna get my talk. They're gonna head for the restaurant, be gone for 2-3 hours and then get back laughing and tipsy.
My knees turned week and my heart started racing from fury. "How can the dad put me through this? I've been waiting nervously for two days for this talk. And now I'm not going to get it?" I thought.
So I told the mom simply that I wanted to talk about that cursed tuesday. She said a bit careful: "Whell I wasn't here and I haven't heard much either so... I don't know alot about it." I replied: "That's why I think it's important we talk about it."
She said fine and went to see her husband. I overheard. She explained that I wanted to talk about it, and he answered her: "Well I wanna eat, so, sorry." in a tone that suggested that the conversation was over.
She pleaded a bit and said something along the lines of her being hungry too, but that this was (at least somewhat) important. He followed her into the dining room and they sat down. I hesitated but sat down too.
Nobody spoke, everyone expected someone else to begin. I could tell that the dad was grumpy and stubborn, and that this could get nasty. Probably to be diplomatic the mom started saying that she didn't have enough information and maybe both me and the dad should tell our experiences. The dad replied before I had a chance to: "I don't see a point in telling anything, I thought that we had already talked about this." and he gave me a bitter look.
I said: "You were the one who said that we needed to talk because you didn't trust me and... I'm gonna say this in swedish," I said and turned to the mom. "That tuesday everything was fine. Elin complained in the morning of having pains in her bottom, but I didn't pay much notice, I thought she was just faking (she does that alot).
I picked them up, the kindergarten teacher changed Elin just before we left, everthing was normal. We got home, and I cooked for the kids (cause the dad was coming later due to some meeting). When we finally sat down and ate the dad came home. He takes Elin to bathe her. Afterwards he comes down and asks me: 'Did you hear Elin scream just now? It's cause she has a terrible rash on her bottom caused by a very dirty nappy that she's been wearing far too long.' And I tried to tell him about the teacher changing very recently and that I had no reason to check her again. And the day after I spoke to the teacher, she said that Elin had had a sick stomach and been pooping alot during the day."
The mom interrupted and said that the teacher told her this as well when she picked them up yesterday (thursday). And I said that I felt far too insulted by the grave accusations (that they didn't trust me as a caretaker and that I would have ignored Elin's need and let her go with a dirty nappy for hours and therefor caused Elin's rash) and that this made me finally decide to resign.
The mom nodded and turned to her husband, I wasn't sure how much he understood of my swedish.
The dad said: "Well?"
"She's leaving us."
His reply was: "So?" And he shrugged his shoulders. He reminds me of someone.
The mom asked me if I should stay until the 16th like plannned, which I intended, but after seeing the indifference in that man I just wanted to leave. She asked me to sleep on it. But my own mom helped me choose.
She told me to inform the mom that unless things (read: the dad) change, I will leave as soon as possible.
And this morning I did. I didn't think it would work. I thought she would say that getting some remorse from him would be impossible. But she told me that the man had confessed to her that maybe he had jumped into conclusions. I won't settle with that, but she promised she'd talk to him again. So the deal is now that he behaves and I stay until the 16th.
Then I flee to Amsterdam, to collect my boyfriend before we take the train to Copenhagen, and there change train to my hometown.
But tonight is friday (TGIF, really!) and we're going ice skating tonight. I really do need this weekend. And tomorrow we (the au pairs, or, well, four or five of us) are going to Antwerpen! Feels really exciting, we're going christmas shopping and exploring etc. They say it's a much "cooler" town than Brussels. The opposite seems impossible.
But I arrive to Sweden alot poorer than I expected. The question now is really: "What do I do now?"
Please comment on things, I like your opinions.
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